As a corporate trainer, one of the classes I enjoyed teaching most was Conflict Resolution. Whether it was an entire department or a group of executives, the classroom dynamic was always interesting. There seemed to be two schools of thought about resolving conflicts; 1 – end the conflict as soon as possible because it’s negative and unhealthy, or 2 – hear all involved parties out and find the best solution to the problem. I tend to side with number 2, because as the title states; in my opinion, it’s ok to disagree.
Coaches and Brothers
Monday, the coaching staff that I am a proud member of had a long overdue coaches meeting. In the meeting, we discussed everything from player discipline to our upcoming opponent and beyond. On some of the topics, things got heated and voices were raised, emotions running high, as we were arguing opposing points. After the meeting, I reflected on our discussions and thought about how productive the meeting was. You’re probably saying, “how can a meeting where there were raised voices, high emotions, and arguing be productive?” Great question! The reason I can say that is at the end of the meeting, there were no hard feelings or ill will and I believe we were all able to grow from it.
As with our meeting, if you want a positive outcome from a disagreement, here are some lessons to take away:
- Be Respectful – Over-talking others or shouting isn’t productive and displays a lack of respect for other person’s views and opinions.
- Don’t Get Personal – Stick to the facts or important items in the disagreement. Personal attacks lead to ill-will and it puts others on the defensive.
- Don’t Get Defensive -As long as no one is under personal attack, you can’t get defensive in a disagreement. If you do, more than likely, you will attack others.
- Keep the End Goal In Mind – If everyone focuses on the best result, and has a single-minded focus, the disagreement will have a good result. When people have selfish intentions or ulterior motives, they will undermine and sabotage the meeting or discussion.
These were all lessons I learned from our meeting Monday. We all have one goal – success and greatness for our team of student-athletes. So even though we left the meeting with some still feeling strongly about their views and opposing others; there were no hard feelings and ultimately; we grew as men and our team will be better off.
Disagreements are a part of life and any relationship. Whether it be husband and wife, parent and child, employer and employee, coach and player, or in our case coaches and coaches. If you follow some guidelines and the “rules of engagement” listed above, you’ll learn and be better because of the disagreement.
What do you think? Are you of the notion that disagreements are bad and should be avoided? Or do you think that they can provide valuable tools for learning?
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